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Thursday, 10 December 2009

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    The Fray
    By The Fray
    Enough For Now
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    Its you, only you.

    heartbreakpatch

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Its you I can't forgive. You broke my heart once, and I'll never be the same. My heart belongs to someone new, but a big part was taken by you.

    I did the best I could to patch it up, I guess I'm just not good enough. I tried my hardest to let you go, but how can you let someone go who still has a part of you?

    You're a thief, a liar, a heartbreaker, a deciever. I hate myself for being manipulated by you. I guess the real blame is all yours, for the ugly truth of who you are.

    You created these wonders for her through the shattered pieces of my heart. Merely an illusion, as she is simply a doll, that you can play with when you feel like it, just like I was.

    She'll eventually figure it out and you'll lose your happily ever after. Cause life isn't a fairytale, no matter how hard you click your heels together.

    Then poof, your fantasy is gone, she's gone. And all you'll have left is a pathetic picture of your own hideous self. Maybe she'll do what I never could.

     I hope it makes you scream. I hope it makes you cry. I hope it makes you think. I hope it hurts like hell. I hope she breaks your heart. 

     

Thursday, 03 December 2009

  • Best friendships are like crushes


    Today, I got into a very interesting discussion with my boyfriend.
    It started out because I was waiting for him to finish a meeting at our school after my last class. When we were getting ready to walk to the city bus stop, a thought popped into my head, somewhat randomly. I told him, "Why is it that when I'm friends with two people, and I introduce them, they always end up becoming better friends with the person I introduced them to, instead of me?" Naturally, he had no clue. It was meant to be more of a rhetorical question anyways. But it really got me thinking. I'm one of those people who's friendships are really complex. I'm better friends with guys, because they cause little drama and aren't so, well, snappish and easily offended. Plus, all my guy friends are great listeners, and never overreact. I'm also one of those girls who just want that best friend that they grew up with. The one who just gets them, and never overreacts or gets angry at them for no reason (those are really big issues with me). I definitely fluctuate between having this overwhelming desire to be popular, to just wanting that one girl I can really connect with. Honestly, I can say that I don't have any really close friends right now- albeit, my boyfriend. We were talking about our relationship- and I am truly dating my best friend. We talk about everything, from my friendship issues (I just recently lost a close friendship with a girl I thought was my best friend) to my feelings. He's so understanding. But sometimes, I just want the best girl friend I can go shopping with, talk about girl stuff, and just do things with. I'm just scared to try again with any other girl, cause I'm afraid of losing that closeness I always assume we have . My boyfriend said that the reason I don't have any close close friends is because I'm a loner. I just don't fit into any stereotypical group. Before you say, "Stereotypes don't define us", think back to high school and college. Yes, they kind of did. Since that's where I am now, that's what I'm going through. Anyways, he's right. I am a loner, and so is he. That's why we're each other's lover, but above that, each other's best friend. The difference is, he's happy just having me, and a few slightly close friends. I want more, just one close friend, a girl who understands me. But I don't fit into just a Geek, Prep, Jock, Goth, or any other stereotypical group. Except for loners. So I guess I'll just have to find another loner to get close to. My being a loner comes from being an only child and having deaf parents, which creates a whole different level of responsibility many teenagers don't face yet, or so my counselor says. My counselor also says that I'm at least 4 years ahead of my peers, maturity wise. So that creates big problems, wanting to relate to kids at my school and failing miserably. My old best friend says she's a loner. Yet, she always must be with people. I don't know how that translates, but to me, it means she's really not. So she's going to start hanging out with anyone who I try to get close to because she craves emotional connection, but to an even greater level than I (or most human beings) do. My nature has gotten me into a predicament, and I fear I'll never get out. Acquaintances I have, but I crave something more- emotional connection with the one best friend I was meant to have.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

  • The Soundtrack to Melancholy

    So, I'm in quite a melancholy mood right about now. Its my self-proclaimed "chill time", where I'm really sad because of whatever reason (mostly because I miss my boyfriend) and I'm really thoughtful. These are the songs that most accurately fit the melancholy for me...

    >"Someday"- Nickelback

    >"You Found Me"- The Fray

    >"I'd Come For You"- Nickelback

    >"These Days"- Chantal Kreviazuk

    >"All We Are"- Matt Nathanson

    >"A Thousand Miles"- Vanessa Carlton

    > "Hands on Me"- Vanessa Carlton

    >"Syndicate"- The Fray

    >"Drops of Jupiter"- Train

    >"Midnight Bottle"- Colbie Caillat

    >"Find Me"- Boyce Avenue*

    >"You Won't Find This"- Carrie Underwood

    >"Look After You"- The Fray

    >"Listen To Your Heart"- DHT feat. Edmee

    >"You Get What You Give"- New Radicals

    >"Almost Lover"- A Fine Frenzy

    >"Where I Stood"- Missy Higgins

    >"Seasons of Love"- RENT Soundtrack

    >"One Sweet Love"- Sara Bareilles

    >"Breathe Me"- Sia

    >"Black Roses Red"-Alana Grace

    >"I Want You To Know"- Chantal Kreviazuk

    >"Be Be Your Love"- Rachael Yamagata

    >"Sunday Morning"- Maroon 5

    >"Where The Story Ends"- The Fray

    *Check them out!! They're not well known, but amazing :]

    These are my picks. What are some of yours?

Monday, 23 November 2009

  • Whole Brokenness

    Okay, so this was a quick little poem I wrote. It's definitely nothing special, but I think it sums up my feelings lately really, really well.


    They say trust is a necessary thing
    then why is pain all it seems to involve
    I can feel my heart cracking
    to hundreds of pieces small

    I hate all the fear trusting you instills
    wondering if I'm in any way good enough
    Through the hurt and the pain, is it all so real
    I don't know if its only me you love

    You see me barely breathing
    to you its insignificant, so trivial
    but to me, its simply everything
    as the pain consumes my lungs and soul

    countless tears will fall
    and so much time will pass
    in my heart, bitterness calls
    I hope the pain won't last

Sunday, 22 November 2009

  • An Ode to Jealousy

    Her name. I'm so sick and tired of hearing it. It comes up in every conversation we've had the past couple of days. Ever since she and him spent some time alone together, she's all he talks about.
    We just met her recently, at the College. She and he have a lot in common, and spending time with her is fun. She's turned us both on to new music and has been great to spend time with and get to know. After their time alone together, he found out she lives right down the street from him, and now he's randomly popping up at her house so they can hang out. He even wanted to spend our time together with her. He's even inviting her to things I planned for the two of us. Now, for the third day in a row, he's spending his day with her. Getting all his homework and studying out of the way so he can see her. I'm starting to feel like he wants to spend all of his time with her.
    I know its stupid to get jealous over this, especially since I do trust my boyfriend completely. She's a sweet girl, too. I just can't understand how he sees her. As just a great new friend, or... as something more? Past relationships where I've been cheated on (with events similar to these leading up to it) have made me jealous and paranoid, and now I'm worried that the best relationship I've had is going to end.
    Have you ever been in a predicament like this? How did you handle it?

allyouwanted15

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    • Name: Stephanie
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    • Member Since: 4/16/2008

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  • I'm very unique. I love poetry, hole-in-the wall coffee shops, French-Italian countryside vintage, and anything retro.

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